Get ready to break out the tissues.
A local Massachusetts man was minding his own business on Twitter when he came across the news that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 has already surpassed $100 million at the international box office. Just the thought that this movie could make more than the impressive $773 million that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1 made flabbergasted the man so hard that he was immediately rushed to the hospital by his loving wife.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 debuted in 37 international openings this last week, and this poor man could not believe the amount of money it’s already made. When asked why the news startled him, he responded “when I read that number, that godforsaken number, I began to think of other numbers that are smaller than that number, and I thought to myself ‘this number big is big so bigger than shun gib ahee weeofs.‘” Unfortunately, when thinking of the number again, the man became entirely unintelligible.
Horrible. Just horrible.
No word yet on how the cast is responding to this horrific news, but surely they must be feeling pretty disappointed in themselves. Please keep this man in your thoughts and prayers as Guardians continues to debut in the U.S., Russia, and China this upcoming weekend. GeekMotivation wishes this man a speedy recovery!
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 will be in theaters everywhere May 5th. This article is satirical, but presents real statistics.